HOLIDAY

Holidays make me smile

HAPPY HOLIDAYS FROM THE FUENTEZ FAMILY TO YOUR FAMILY!  WITH MUCH LOVE AND BIG HUGS!

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Have you ever been in one of those situations where, you don’t really know me, I don’t really know you, but boy do I really know A LOT about you, and it’s not all good!  It can be a lot of things, interesting, funny, sad, entertaining, disgusting, hurtful, etc. 

 When someone knows much more about you than you know about them, do you often wonder how they know so much about you and you so little about them? Let me give you a clue,  YOU SHARE TO DAMN MUCH of all the wrong kind of information!  We all want privacy in our lives, some things to be secret, but we are human and we like to vent, share, exchange information, etc., and that’s all great. But when you are doing hurtful things to other people, you are gonna get found out.  Life is just that simple!  Hard to believe right?  Well, not really if you take a look around you. 

Alls one must do to find information out about you is follow your trail and it will lead  them right to your REAL TRUTH!  Not the made up stuff you want us all to believe, blah blah blah, but your real nasty ugly truth!  All that nasty, embarrassing stuff you expected to be kept secret, well it’s no secret anymore, it’s out there for the whole world to see!  You must lead a good life for a good life to follow you.  Try your best to be kind,  considerate and think of others.  

AND…don’t think jumping from person to person, pulling the same lame crap is going to work either, because  guess what…EVERYONE  is on to you.  Well, everyone who is normal. 

When you make a mistake, and EVERYONE makes mistakes, but,  if you have been a good person and you have tried to be kind to others, people will lift you up and be there to dust you off.  BUT,   if you have not been ANY of the above, don’t expect there to be a parade lining up to try and make your life better, it’s just not gonna happen.  I will say, people will feel sorry for you for being such a moron, but that’s about as much as you’re going to get!

We all need to think about what we do, how others feel about what we do and how we can try to be better people.  That’s what the world needs, better people.  Believe you me, look around, we have enough dumb asses to last an eternity!  So let us all try to be kind and considerate to one another, think of how your words and actions will affect others,  it’s not really hard and EVERY ONES  life will be easier…that I can promise!

MEANING

It’s that time of year…stores are bustling, everyone is buying, your wallet is thin, your back account is thinner and everyone needs or wants something from you.  We have two choices at this crossroads, do we give in to the utter insanity of what we Americans call “Holiday”,  or do we go back to the true meaning of what this time of year is supposed to mean? 

Go back… let us just ponder that for a moment…when Holiday meant family time, prayer, everyone telling what they are truly thankful for,  games around the big table and lots of laughter, big sit down breakfast, tossing around a football in the front yard and pie, homemade yummy pie!  When we cherished the time we spent together, took a drive, laughed out loud at memories past, looked at old photos, took family photos.  Those are the things that made us smile.

Today, oh today, what a whirlwind we have upon us, like a tornado swirling 100 miles an hour, dumping the meal that was purchased at the local Target,  smack dab in the middle of the kitchen,  eat quick, we have to hit whatever store might be open on Thanksgiving, because who cares what store it is, we need to BUY  something, after we carve and chow down as fast as we possibly can,  the turkey, dressing and whatever else has  made its way onto the buffet style line we are all rushing through.  Oh you already stared eating, that’s ok, Dad, pray really quick,  so no one else misses out on the score of one of the 100 football games on TV at this moment,  while we are having our “Family Holiday”.  Hurry and clean off this table, we need to spread out all the circulars from the paper so we can see what we need to buy tomorrow whether we can afford it or not.  It’s “Black Friday” and I will be out there because if it’s on sale, I must need it, and if I don’t need it someone might get it,  so I must have it!  Oh, its loud and fun, but does it really have true meaning?

Do I really want to buy so much unneeded,  not really wanted stuff, I put myself into debt so deep it will take me until summer to dig my way out…and then, I sink right back in, because EVERYONE is taking a really fun vacation and by golly my kids are going to a nasty Texas beach too!  Who cares if they won’t get in it, it’s what everyone else is doing!   When did we become these mongrels who have to have this, have to do that, have to see this, have to see that…she has it, I want it, but mine better be bigger.  They are going so we better get to go, who cares if it’s not in our budget, our kids want it so by golly I will make it happen. 

What are we really teaching our children?  What are we really doing to the “family”…we are making everyone selfish, greedy and not very nice to be around.  Myself included in this big mess of what we call Holiday. 

So this year, if I see someone who needs, I want to help, if I know someone hurts, I want them to heal, and if I can teach my children one lesson from this,  it is, you don’t need every game, video station, gun, Lego etc.  You need human contact, you need to know and feel love.  You need to feel the joy when you give to someone else.  That’s what we need to feel is true joy and true joy comes from giving…

PUSH

There is really nothing “wrong” with me, but everything is “wrong”.  I know, it makes no sense…I feel a turmoil rising inside of my being.  It’s like a dark cloud in my chest trying to escape the body it has been trapped in.   Rain, Rain…down came the rain pouring from my eyes,  for no real reason, just because.   I feel a pain deep inside my soul, my spirit,  that I just can’t shake today.  I am trying to move this herd which has settled inside of my heart,  without medication, but the movement has not even started.  I feel my throat choke when I think I have to take medication to move myself to a better place.  This was not what I expected from my life.  I am strong, I am, I know I am, but I am not strong enough for this beast.

Things that usually lift my soul, make me feel whole, make me smile and live my life out loud,  are gone, taken from me by something I fear will become bigger than me.  I know it’s not forever, but as I close my eyes and wish these things back, wish so hard my chest tightens and I feel a huge lump in my throat…nothing, nothing, nothing.  It’s like when I try to make myself think “happy”, it simply,  can’t….and then comes the rain, pouring  from my eyes. 

This happens in the snap of a finger. The change is like a wind blowing across my soul, picking up misery and dumping it into my head, in an instant a change in my atmosphere.   I wish I could explain it to someone, then maybe I could grasp and understand it better myself.  My mind will only think one train of thought, one emotion at a time.  When did I get to this place?  What happened to the whole person I used to be?  I am but a shell of myself when my heart is tight like a rope, so tight it could be walked on and I could not feel one footstep. 

My soul is not broken, my life is good, but this haunting which has set up house in my being has a hold on me.  I just need to breath, to will it to let go so I can go back to being me.  Being the person I love.  I want to be a better me, but I am consumed with a feeling I have no control over.  This is one of those times, prayer and God will see me through…and God will understand if it takes me a while, he will understand if I need a push.  The thing is, I want to someday move on without a push.

EVERYDAY

This man makes Eric’s school day wonderful everyday.  Mr. Lee has been Eric’s aide for 4 years.  I could not have found someone better to be with my son while he is at school if I would have hand-picked them from heaven!  He loves my child and teaches him things I would never have been able too.  I thank God every day, there is a Mr. Lee in our lives!  He was truly Heaven sent!

MY

My best friend is Wonder Woman!

TREASURE

 

 

I have been thinking a lot about my life and what I give to others.  I strive to be the best Wife, Mother, Daughter and Friend I can be.  I try to give of myself  raw and filled with love.  I have been blessed with a wonderful life, not always an easy life, but a wonderful life.  My life is full…full of love, passion, laughter, tears, heartache, adventure and most of all JOY! 

Every part of my life has true meaning to the person I am today.  My parents adopting me oh so many years ago, my friends who helped me find myself while growing up, my church which gave me stability through the years, my husband who let me learn who I was and has loved me all along the way,  my children who showed me love is unconditional and for always and forever.

I may not walk, talk and live the way I am expected to by others, but I do walk, talk and live like I expect me too.  I want to be the best me I can be and I get a lot of help along the way from both family, old friends and new friends.  One of the greatest things about my life is I never shy away from learning, I am not afraid to STEP OUT OF THE BOX if there is a lesson to be learned.  I have no fear in introducing myself to people, therefore I have met some of the most interesting and fantastic people around.  I have no fear in praising others.  If someone does something well, I love to tell them, I love to see people beam with pride.  Pride is a good thing, it can carry us during those lull times in life. 

Laughter, it plays such a big part in my life.  I love to laugh out loud!  It makes your heart sing.  Just talking, being silly and laughing is priceless and it is FREE!  I have fun…I mean I truly have fun in my life.  I may be quirky, different and talk to loud,  but in all I do I strive to have fun, and I beam if those around me are having fun as well.

When someone hurts whether I know you well or not, I hurt…my soul truly feels your pain and I hope I can help others and just be THERE when they are hurting.  I can’t always do anything, but my heart can be there and I am truly connected to my heart.  My love is deep and heart felt.

I have suffered true heartbreak in my life.  Heartbreak to the point the devastation was tearing at my soul piece by piece and I felt the blood drain as I tried to breath in the reality of what was happening to me.  The most devastating heartbreak I have experienced in my life turned out to be one of the best things to happen in my life, it turned out to be the one thing that made me a better person. 

When Eric was born and the Doctor said he would not live, I truly felt my heart break into a million little pieces and begin to make its way through my veins trying to find a way out of the shell of my body, my brain could not function, it could not possibly grasp what lay ahead for our family.  As I sat on the hospital bed next to my husband trying to listen to instructions on where he was going etc., my brain broke and began to find it’s way into my veins looking for an escape just as my heart.  I could not hold my child, I did not want to be connected to this being who was going to be taken from me.  Oh, I LOVED him, I could not find the strength in my being to hold him and comfort him as I felt there was no comfort to be had…my husband was a pillar, he held him and never questioned why I felt the way I did. 

My best friend, The Pope, had just given birth a few weeks before to a beautiful baby boy.  She was basking in her joy and I had joy for her, until my baby was born, my joy went away and was replaced with envy.  Yet daily she left her new baby at home, came to the hospital to hold me and just be THERE.  She didn’t have to say anything, she knew my heart was broken and there was no fixing it, she planted herself there to be my strength.  As I look back I can not imagine how she felt leaving her newborn to be with me…she was selfless. 

When anyone told me it was going to be “okay”, I knew in my heart my life as I knew it was never going to be “okay”.  Little did I know it was going to be BETTER and it would set me on a journey to having a wonderful life, with wonderful people and knowledge beyond my wildest dreams.  Life handed me a gift and when I finally felt strong enough to embrace the gift and open it, it changed me!  It made me understand  the true meaning of being  unselfish,non judgemental, and to love truly unconditional with no expectations in return.  I never dreamed I would know the love I know today. 

Each journey we embark on will lead us to a treasure if we just take our time and reach that destiny and embrace it.  You may have to patch your heart and soul along the way, but in the end when the patching is finished you have created a better heart and soul and added new pieces.

BEST

I have the perfect best friend…we are perfect for one another, yet we are very different.  I have known The Pope since I was born, as we were born into the same nursery at church.  My aunt and her mother were very close friends so we always had a connection.  In the fifth grade she moved out to the Fair of Acres where I had lived my entire life.  My aunt said to me one day on our way to Sonic, cause she was cool like that, “The Pope is moving out here, I hope you two become close friends”…and the rest is History.

From the first day of fifth grade we have been connected with a bond that one can not describe.  We love each other deeply and truly care about each other.  We spend countless hours together to this day and we always smile.  Even when one of us is on the verge or has crossed over the verge of loosing it, we are there for each other, no questions asked. 

Yet, we are as different as two people could be.  Here are just a few of our differences which stand out in my mind…

The Pope is drop dead stunning gorgeous…I am average at best.

The Pope dresses with utter class…I wear converse and boyfriend jeans all cut up.

The Pope is classy in her walk, her talk, her movements, etc.  I am more of an agressive type in all I do.  I talk loud, say what I’m thinking etc.

The Pope is shy but very intuitive of others, she may not talk all the time, but she always knows what’s going on around her.  Me, I’m to busy talking to know anything about what is going on around me. 

The Pope has a way of making you feel good even when you do not believe it is possible to feel good at that moment.  The way she does it,  can not be explained.

The Pope thinks before she speaks and has tried on numerous occasions to teach me this talent..I have yet to learn, but she loves me anyway.

The Pope never ever flies off the handle, I don’t even have a handle anymore!

The Pope has great patience, while I am very irratic.  She keeps me grounded in reality.

The Pope is Conservative and I am Liberal, but we get along great and we agree on most things, and if we don’t it is simply no big deal. 

I know her, I love her, she makes me smile, she makes me a better me! 

The Pope…Dotti’s best friend forever and I mean it from the bottom of my crazy mad heart!

SAFE

 

I live in a very safe town in the great state of Texas…as I was reading news from BYU Universe this AM  I came across their crime report…I am re-posting it below, because it made me laugh, I mean, laugh out loud.  This is not crime, this is called LIVING!

 

 

Suspicious Activity

May 21: A female transient was found eating red juniper berries on the east side of the Benson Building. She told officers she was looking for a place to live. They advised her not to eat the berries off the bushes.

July 3: Officers responded to a suspicious person at the Bookstore upset about the deodorant selection. The person picked up a stick of deodorant, kicked it across the floor, then paid for the deodorant and left.

June 5:An adult male dressed in black was reported running through the quad and hiding behind dumpsters at Wymount Terrace. The man ran through the quad, dropped to his belly and army-crawled, then got back to his feet and continued running. He ran past a woman and said “Good morning” before jumping in a car and speeding off.

Property Damage

June 4:A moose was loose on campus so police called the Utah Division of Wildlife Resources. Officials came and tranquilized the moose. However, before going down the moose damaged two vehicles in the parking lot across from the SAS Building.

Trespassing

May 31:A phone call came in reporting a male alum and a female student had been kissing in the grass near a Wymount Terrace complex, making the caller and his family feel uncomfortable. The officer arrived and asked them to leave.

Fire

June 25: A car caught on fire near the north entrance of the Tanner Building. Witnesses said the car started to smoke and then they heard the tire pop. The cause of the fire is unknown but the fire department said other Ford Explorers have caught fire in the past. The taillight of the car next to the Explorer was melted.

Theft

June 14:Two bikes were reported stolen on campus. The victims saw the stolen bikes in a photo on Facebook. The person in the photo was arrested because he had “control” of the bikes.

Firearms

June 16: Someone reported seeing a man in the stadium with a rifle. The police responded and found out it was a grounds employee sent to eliminate pigeons with a pellet gun. Officers stopped him. The man was not able to shoot any pigeons.

Drug arrest

June 3:An EFY counselor thought he could smell marijuana in Gates Hall around 11 p.m. He found three EFY participants smoking marijuana in the stairwell. Police said the juveniles will be charged.

Animal Problems

June 20: A stray cat fell into a mechanical well and couldn’t get out. Officers responded and rescued the cat.
July 4: An owl was found in the former president’s home. An officer communicated with the owl and it left.

Civil problem

July 20:A resident at Wymount Terrace called and reported that carpet layers did not clean up after themselves and worked late into the evening on his apartment. Police referred him to Housing Administration because no crime was committed

Criminal mischief

July 22:A report was made of someone driving on the grass at Helaman Halls. A description of the truck was given and an officer was dispatched. The officer stopped the truck and the driver said he did not remember if he drove on the grass. The driver then told the officer he could not lie and that he was guilty of driving on the grass. The driver was given a warning.

Burglary

July 27: Someone thought there was a burglary when they returned to their car and a window was broken out. Nothing appeared to be missing, so officers think the window may have exploded because of the heat.

Disorderly conduct

July 31: Someone was throwing water balloons off the third floor of Budge Hall at 1 a.m. No one was injured but police could not find the person doing it. Later, housing authorities found the person and told them to stop.

DRIP

Those times in life when the right thing to do ripes your heart out by the last vessel and hands it to you with blood still trickling down your arm…I’ve had one of those weeks.  My insides are torn, my outside is looking for a smile and my heart is not only been dislodged from my body, it is shattered into one million pieces.  As I stand looking at the mess that has been made, I wonder when it will all be back in order and find it’s way back to it’s stable home called me. 

Sometimes the right thing to do, is the hardest thing you will ever have to do.  I hope this is it for me, I was not made to have to deal with circumstances “beyond my control”.  I was made to control circumstances and grasp and hold onto them and make sure they all get in line and line up straight.  When they don’t, my life is off kilter.  The puddle I now stand in reminds me of rain, but it’s not rain, it is the tears falling not only from my eyes, but from my heart.